Boundary Down!!

Another good title for this installment would be

“What the damn hell did you just say?”

In early December 2015, Narc Boss and I were talking on the phone and he said, “Vicki, I have some really good news.  Just to be sure, I’m going to wait until after Christmas to tell you.”

Honestly, by December 2015, I wasn’t very interested in anything this guy had to say.  Little did I know that he was sounding so happy because he was about to kick through my first line of defensive boundaries.

The devaluing had been going on since July 2014.  Rather than the normal Christmas bonus that he gave me for seven years, each a little more than the previous year, he sent me a Christmas card with enough money to take myself out to eat.   I found that very interesting, but I certainly thanked him.  During our last conversation, he told me that he was trying to teach me a lesson about working hard.  He felt like I just didn’t do a good job anymore.

Prior to that, he was a different person.

I worked hard, he thanked me and frequently gave me incentives.

I considered him a mentor, I think.  I thought he was self-made; generous and thoughtful.

By the time he had this “good news” to tell me, I was worn down to a shell shocked tearful ninny.  I had suggested several times that he figure out how he could be happier with me, but he never had a solution…just more demeaning comments.  He’d been hammering on me for a solid 17 months. I was sad. I had just faced the facts. He was an empty shell…another narcissist to add to the list of idiots that I had allowed in my life. And, I was also feeling the initial tingling of starting to get mad.

Nonetheless, I made a note of this latest revelation on my calendar so that I’d be sure to ask him about it after Christmas.  Those kind of things were important.  I needed to show him he mattered.

He was already scratching and pushing at my boundaries.

Several times he pushed at my boundaries by mentioning that he didn’t think I was working the full hours that I was billing him for.  He suggested that I needed to manage my time better.  He asked me why was I being so difficult about certain things.  If you go back to the installment where I list my weaknesses, he was sizing me up to hurt me as much as possible. He was attacking my character, my integrity, my work ethics, and things about me that I liked.  Those things were just the beginning.

He knew that I depended on him for income.  He lorded it over me.

Sometimes it bothered me; sometimes I just thought “You stupid old fool.  How much longer do you think this is going to work for you?”

Then, on this date, he stepped way over the line.

It was the first time that I spoke with him after Christmas so I dutifully said, “Oh, please tell me!  What’s your good news.  I have been waiting for three weeks to find out.”

Narcadoodle says, “Well, do you remember how at Thanksgiving, my girlfriend went to stay with her daughter because she was out of college for the holiday?”

I acknowledged that I did indeed remember.

Well, Narc reminds me that he had “a date” that weekend with another girl.  (Girl sounds so ridiculous for a man who is nearly 60.  I wish I would have thought to make up a tall tale about dating a boy.)  

Can I just say that I don’t believe for a minute this was a date?

No.  I think it was a straight-up escort service call girl arrangement that he had this “date” with.

Notably, I felt annoyed over his use of the word “girl.” Can he not say “woman”?   So, while he was talking, I was trying not to listen about this “girl” and the “date.”  I know it’s bullshit and then I hear him say

“….on her butt there was a spot.”

Ewww!!  Yuck!  What the flicker flacker is he telling me?

Narc Boss is set on power talking.

He says, “So, I asked her about it and she tells me that this spot always comes up when she has her period.”

Did he really just say “period”?

At that point I am sickened by this old fart talking about having sex to me and all of the above. BUT, Do I hang up on his stupid ass?  No.  I just keep on stupidly listening.  I’m letting him stroke his ego all over me. Gack. Stupid man with nose hair growing out of his nose every other time I see him.  Yuck!

This talking ass continues, “I made an appointment with my doctor and took her to see him.  She has herpes. I had to get tested to see if I had it.”

Seriously? Are you seriously telling me this. 

I murmur, “Uh huh.” like that’s the most normal thing in the world for him to be telling me!  That’s what we good little victims do when we are devalued from Wonder Vendors of Super Narcissistic Supply to Worthless Targets that Belong in a Toilet Bowl.

I’ll be sweet Bo Peep if this assclown doesn’t tell me that he has all of his girls tested by his own doctor before he will kiss them.

It made me ill.

I wish I had sat there in stunned silence, or just hung up on him,  but instead I think I said something super ignorant like “I need to go get tested…that’s a good idea.”

OMG, Vicki, why did you say that??

But, apparently, he was very disinterested in what I was saying and rambled on about how the pain he has been complaining of after sitting for long periods is hemorrhoids and he was worried it was herpes.  No herpes.  He was positive of it!

Dear me.  Now, we are talking about herpes AND hemorrhoids.

But, I don’t believe that bullshit for a minute. I think he was probably making sure I would let him rip through that boundary of inappropriate conversation of the TMI type.

He Scored!  I didn’t retaliate. I just let him run right over me.

And, he might have been trying to assert that he didn’t have herpes when he probably does.

Whatever the case, after this initial rip through the boundary of discussing herpes, periods, and hemorrhoids, the gloves were off.   He was circling and ready to apply pain.  It would soon be torture time and he was looking for the kill.

I’m glad that I have finally laid enough groundwork to start talking about the chickenshit maneuvers that he piled on me.