My Narcissist Boss Wanted me to Become His Business Partner (Jerk Side Comes Out)
In 2013, while I was only moonlighting for Narc Boss, a chain of events caused him to demand that we go into business together.
When I say “demand” I mean that he pressured me day and night until I finally said I would.
Now, here’s where I think I missed the clues that I was being scanned and zoomed and dealing with a stinking jerk; it was also at this juncture that he probably realized I was tougher than he expected and he had better up the zoom factor.
Narcadoodle said that I must put together a business plan to map out our business. He paid me for the time I put into the business planning. Zoom!
It was quite detailed, that much he acknowledged. However, he would never make time to review it or listen carefully to the discussion. He was always on the way out the door, even though he would set up the appointment times to discuss.
He got terse with me for bothering him during the week with this stuff. He told me we would talk only on Sundays about it. I should have said “F.Y.” and stopped dealing with him right there, but I didn’t. I just said “Okay.”
As I recall, this was all took place in December 2013 and January 2014, right before my detached retina saga. On Sundays, as he said we should, I would try to explain his competitor’s position, why we should or should not do certain things.
He feigned misunderstanding.
He never remembered what I told him the week before. Now, was it because he was playing head games? Or, was it because he was a pot head? Yes, Narcadoodle told me he smoked marijuana regularly. Did he think I was going to get high with him? Was he trying to get me (a mid-50s granny) to get high?
He tried to bullshit me about the law relating to non-profit trade associations. He wanted me to agree to set up a trade association that was a for-profit entity. No. If he wanted me to run a trade association, then it would be a non-profit and recognized by the IRS. That’s not what he wanted. So, we discussed how to divide it into a for-profit and a non-profit. I didn’t want to do either one, but he wanted to pick my brain and see how he could make money from my ideas. I didn’t give a flip about the business he was trying to get me to start. It sounded like a big problem to me. Finally, I shut down. I wasn’t talking any more. I wasn’t upset. Just indifferent.
Narcadoodle called me one Sunday afternoon and said “What is the plan!?”
I would later learn that when he asked “What is the plan!?” all hell was about to break loose.
I told him calmly that the plan was laid out for him. He asked about things that weren’t in the plan. He pretended that I was after something that we’d never discussed. I told him that was not part of the discussion. I wasn’t asking him for his money or sales. I said he wanted the business, I didn’t. That was the last time we talked about the business.
During that time, I got an increase in what I was making and he didn’t reduce it (even though we stopped working on this business) until he decided to really take a swing at me and see how far he could knock me down.
Testing Boundaries and Gaslighting
Clearly, this was a time of testing boundaries and minor gaslighting. When he demanded that I put together the business plan, that was testing my boundaries. So was demanding we go into business together and him pushing me until I agreed. He learned my limits. He also found out that money motivated me. He knew that, but he wanted to make sure that he gave me enough money that it would hurt when I lost it, I think.